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alright lets get something STRAIGHT: im a STRAIGHT MAN, OK? That means a few STRAIGHT things:

1. i'm gonna laugh at every gay joke i hear, even if its not funny. my laughing will remind everyone in the room that i am NOT GAY but STRAIGHT

2. i'm gonna have really, really bad hygeine. So bad, in fact, that i will be made up of 94% fecal matter, and guess what: YOU'RE GONNA DEAL WITH IT!!! especialy if u r a lady... and that gets into my next STRAIGHT point....

3. i'm no sissy, pretty boy. I'M A MAN'S MAN!! i'm no faggity "metROsexual" or whatever, I'M 100% STRAIGHT man meat, and apperantly that means being so disgusting you want to make ur girlfriend vomit every day, but that's OK because it serves as a reminder that i'm NOT A HOMO but a REAL MAN.

4. i wont read, and i wont embrace education (literacy is for HOMOS), but i will PRETEND to read certain magazines that are specifically targeted at people like me: REAL MEN. these magazines will include pics of totally HOT BABES in bikinis and fluffy articles that have nothing to do with anything important or relevant.

5. most importantly, i'm gonna constantly remind u that i'm STRAIGHT.!
anti-fag, anti-gay, anti-meterosexual, back hair, bad hygiene, badass things, badassss, bald spots, bathrooms, being fat, being obnoxiously straight, blubbery chest (boobs), breeding, cars, cheese, david alen coe, eating menstrual fluid, eating yeast infections, fart jokes, farting, fear factor, feces, football, gay is stoopid, gay jokes, george bush, ghey, hardass, hardcore, hot babes, hot chicks, killing peeps, ladies, lesbo porn, lol, maxim magazine, menstrual fluid, milk, overpopulating, pickup trucks, pink tacos, pirates, playboy, poop, pooping, pretending to be practical, pretending to fix things, pubes, pubic hair, pussy, pussy pubes, receding hair lines, saying fag, sports, suvs, the army, the word gay, toilet humor, toilets, tools, wrestling, yeast, yeast infections